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I love Christmas, and I love Christmas music. But not all holiday tunes are created equal. Some songs — Nat King Cole’s “O Holy Night,” “Christmas in Hollis” by Run-D.M.C. — I can listen to over and over. But others make me want to jam railroad ties into my ears, they’re so awful.
Following is the list of 11 Christmas songs that should never have been made. In some cases, they’re sung by artists that I otherwise respect, which makes these terrible tunes all the more troubling. If there’s a Santa Claus, he will banish these awful, insipid, stupid affronts on Christmas to the Island of Misfit Songs.
11. “Happy Xmas (War is Over),” John Lennon and Yoko Ono - I’m a die-hard Beatles fan, so it pains me to start this list with a John Lennon song. And it’s actually pretty great – until the 40-second mark, when Yoko comes in and starts her caterwauling. Honestly, John. I know you loved her and all, but why’d you gotta let her sing?
10. “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” Neil Diamond – His first Christmas album was a mega-seller, so for his second one, Neil got a little creative with his arrangements, including a reggae version of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” He begins this song by calling out to the boys and girls in a Jamaican accent. I’m embarrassed for him.
9. “Santa Baby,” Madonna – I’ll bet the modern-day Madonna listens to this 1987 version of herself and cringes. I know I do. Perhaps she thought her nasal-voiced, cutsey-pie delivery was sexy, but really, she sounds like a half-in-the-bag bimbo. For sexy, see Kitt, Eartha, or Minogue, Kylie.
8. “Last Christmas,” Wham – This song is like cilantro: You either love it, or you think it tastes like soap. I’m in the latter camp. Vapid lyrics and cheesy music make "Last Christmas" completely unlistenable. Worse yet, those damned “Glee” kids went and covered it, so all the teenyboppers are into it now. Gaaaah.
7. “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Band Aid – When I was a youngster, I thought this song was awesome, because it had Sting and Bono and Duran Duran (swoon). And it was made to help those affected by the Ethiopian famine of the mid-1980s. But the lyrics appear to be written by a third-grader (“There won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas time), or a pompous first-world jackass (“Well tonight, thank God it's them instead of yooooouuuu!”)
6. “Silver and Gold,” Burl Ives – This song has the power to bring down a room. I know because I’ve seen it happen, during my son’s inaugural viewing of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Here they’ve just introduced Yukon Cornelius, and then, bam! Preschoolers all take a powder while the snowman guy sings “Silver and Gold.” Buzz kill!
5. “Zat You, Santa Claus?” Buster Poindexter – Look, I don’t like the Louis Armstrong version of this song, either. But the Buster Poindexter rendition is nails-on-a-chalkboard bad. It’s change-the-station bad. It’s pull-the-car-over-and-smoke-a-cigarette bad. Bad, bad, bad.
4. “Christmas Don't Be Late,” Alvin and the Chipmunks – When you’re 5 years old, this song is hilarious. When you’re an adult, this song is torture. Let’s say you were a spy, and you were captured. How many times do you think you could endure this record before you broke down? Think about it. And then, answer me this: Why is a grown man living with three chipmunks?
3. “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone –The lyrics of this song make me mildly uncomfortable to begin with. This woman is trying to leave, for God’s sake, but her “date” won’t let her. I don’t mind so much when it’s Dean Martin. But Zooey Deschanel sounds so drowsy when she sings, “Say, what’s in this drink?” that I really want to call 911.
2. “Wonderful Christmastime,” Paul McCartney – For an artist with his pedigree, this song is unforgivable. It’s an overproduced, strangled-by-synthesizer mess that deserves the distinction as one of the worst Christmas songs ever. Insult to injury: Sir McCartney, already richer than God, makes almost half a million bucks a year off this song, it gets played so much.
1. “O Holy Night,” Christina Aguilera – Let me first say that this is my very favorite Christmas hymn, and it offends me when celebrities mangle it. Aguilera’s taste level, always in question, is particularly egregious here. I don’t deny that she’s got serious pipes, but this song deserves reverence, not show-offy vocal gymnastics. Christina: Must you recite the Lord’s Prayer midway through? And why, WHY extend this train wreck with a Broadway-meets-gospel-choir ending? The worst. Period.
Which Christmas song is the worst?
Results
Total of 24,774 votes
| "Wonderful Christmastime" - Paul McCartney | 14.8% (3,670 votes) |
| "Santa Baby" - Madonna | 14.8% (3,656 votes) |
| "O Holy Night" - Christina Aguilera | 11.2% (2,782 votes) |
| "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" - John Lennon and Yoko Ono | 10.8% (2,674 votes) |
| "Zat You, Santa Claus?" - Buster Poindexter | 10.7% (2,645 votes) |
| "Do They Know It's Christmas" - Band Aid | 9.2% (2,289 votes) |
| "Last Christmas" - Wham! | 7.2% (1,773 votes) |
| "Christmas Don't Be Late" - Alvin and the Chipmunks | 7.1% (1,754 votes) |
| None of these (tell us your pick in comments below) | 7.1% (1,747 votes) |
| "Baby It's Cold Outside" - Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone | 3.1% (764 votes) |
| "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" - Neil Diamond | 2.5% (624 votes) |
| "Silver and Gold" - Burl Ives | 1.6% (396 votes) |
Leave a Comment:
Jingle Bell Rock and Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree are my #1 & #2 on the hated list. But Sir Paul makes #3 with his abominable song. I'd probably puke uncontrollably if I heard that Justine Bieber girl's Christmas song; so far I have dodged that bullet.
Rockin around the Christmas tree becomes tolerable and very funny if you insert a beep at certain times, like over the "pump" in "pumpkin". I heard the Bieber song on my way to work this morning, it is awesomely badd.
"Merry Christmas Darling" by the Carpenters
OMG!! YOU ARE SO RIGHT SFS!!!! I should have voted for that one!
I heard a breathy dude singing santa baby on the radio the other day, i havent a clue who it was, never heard it b4, and after it was done, i never wanna hear it again {shiver}
Feliz Navidad - I hate that damn song. It is so painfully repetitive.
The Christmas Shoes. Worst. Song. Ever. Not just Christmas. Drives me insane.
Well, that one and Ricky Martin's "Ay Ay Ay it's Christmas, but thankfully that doesn't get much radio play. LOL
I think if I had to listen to a Justin Bieber song, I'd slam my stereo again a wall. I voted for Christina Gagullera's song.(yes I spelled it right!) She's so untalented and pretentious, ya gotta not like her unless you're a teen on crack. I have to agree though too with StMiller about Felize Navidad. That one makes me kinda wanna club a baby seal or somethin' MERRY CHRISTMAS everybody, and I promise I won't try to sing. At least I'm smart enough to know I sound like crap! lol *cheers*
Drezz,
That's Michael Duble singing "Santa Baby"; and I couldn't agree with you more. It is the most horrendous, vile, despicable sound that makes driving 10" spikes into your ears seem much more pleasant and desirable. I've heard it twice and that is 10 times too many to hear such drivel in one lifetime.
After it was on I truly thought the DJ was going to make a comment about how horrible that song was, it was soooooo bad.
I don't want to hear another Christmas song again. EVER!
My guess is you used to, or currently work retail. I know your pain. Hours and hours of the same hour or so cycle of songs, for seven weeks straight, in the same order. Though its been over a decade since I worked in a place that did it, I still cringe, and would rather be heading towards a wall at 50 mph, head first, then to listen to it ever again. Its the water-boarding of the retail world!
Actually, I worked at McDonalds during the 1970's, all through college. I was in choir from 4th grade until 9th grade and all we did at this time of year was Christmas this and Christmas that, where no one considered that someone might want to sing about Hanukkah? It's also somewhat ironic that I, as a Jew, ended up having to teach a singing group how to sing several Christmas carols so that they could perform at a venue local to them.
I don't want to hear another Christmas song again EVER either!
And I never worked in retail.
They all suck, with the exception of Christmas at Ground Zero by Weird Al..
The Ramones Merry X-mas song is cool too. All I know is every year some record company approaches someone like Justin Bieber to do an x-mas album and they do it to fullfill some contract obligation. The older I get, the more I find they drive me more crazy every year. Parumppapumppum! Yikes!!!!!!
No kidding. The older you get, the less " fun " all of this is.
LOL, they do kinda run them in the ground, don't they!
That horrible Lady Gaga Christmas Tree song is tortuous. Worst. Ever.
OMG, the whole "taste my Christmas tree" or whatever it says ... gag. Eww. What's next, STDs for New Year's?
Worst Christmas Songs Ever:
1. Barking Dogs Jingle Bells
2. All I Want For Christmas is my Two Front Teeth.
Agree
.... and Grandma got runover by a reindeer
I was a deejay at an AM Country station when GGRObaR hit the airwaves. It had to be played once an hour - and no puking noises allowed.
Flashbacks . . . PTSD kicking in . . . [strangled cry of anguish; puking noises]
You hit it jason. Those barking dogs are intolarable. this has to easily be the worst Christmas song ever.
The dogs love it though. At least mine do.
Barking dogs 'doing' "Jingle Bells" is undoubtedly the worst of the worst.
Just about all of the newer songs by popular artists are horrible. The main problem is that stations have gone safe and cheap with their Christmas song collections and overplay the few they have. There is plenty of older music that is much better but it is either not currently available or is sung by unknown or unpopular people.
Santa Baby is the worst, then Wonderful Christmastime followed by Last Christmas and Baby It's Cold Outside.
I'd rather be forced to listen to Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer for 24 hours straight then have to listen to the four I listed even one more time.
I just got a new needle for my turntable so I will play some old family albums from when I was a kid that were done by unknowns but are better than the ones on the hate list.
I HATE that terrible grocery store song...what makes it a Christmas song? Just beacuse they mention Christmas in it? terrible just terrible! Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg. AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the radio station in Austin, where I live, keeps fricking playing it! ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although it is easy to make fun of some of the lyrics (I've even made up some of my own in questionable taste), the song itself pushes a lot of nostalgic buttons for me. I have lots of old friends and lovers I'd like to encounter in a similar circumstance.
You're right.I wonder how many people have slashed their wrists after listening to that song?
Grandma got ran over by a reindeer, please never again
I agee, Grandma got run over by a reindeer has to be one of the most annoying christmas songs of all time.
Waaaaaay back, my elementary school came up with the great idea of installing a jukebox in the cafeteria. Then one kid (nephew to the lunchroom monitor) pumped several dollars worth of quarters into the machine and picked it to keep playing that song. And not just once. Every. Day. It was "only" for a week or two, but I genuinely believe Amnesty International should have gotten involved.
However, it's only a close second to Porky Pig's Blue Christmas. It is entertaining for one listening. AT. MOST. Then it just gets tedious. A DJ in my hometown LOVED it. It was painful to listen to the radio w/ my mother before school throughout December. As soon as it came on, the radio went off and we tried to watch the local news on TV.
I heard the best parody of Sir Paul's song on the radio the other morning. It was sung to the same melody as "Wonderful Christmastime", but the words to the refrain were : "Paul McCartney's Terrible Christmas Song, Paul McCartney's Terrible Christmas Song". The song was HIGH-LARIOUS. It really did a justice where such an injustice had occurred. One of the verses went like this:
"This guy's songs,
are worth million bucks,
but this one song,
reeeeaaaallllllllllllllllllly SUCKS!"
"Paul McCartney's terrible Christmas song, Paul McCartney's terrible Christmas song."
That's awesome! I hate that song with a passion, any idea who wrote it or the station you listen to? I'd love to hear it.
I can't believe no one has mentioned Christmas Shoes. I hate that song with a passion! It's the one about the little boy who uses his last bit of money to buy some shoes on sale on Christmas Eve because his mom iss dying. She wears them for her funeral! Who in the world thought that would be a good Christmas song?
I have never heard the Christmas Shoes song. I guess I have a really sick sense of humor. I laughed until my tummy hurt.
I know I'm awful, but I can only take so much maudlin before I start to giggle.
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer? UGH! I even hated that when it came out and I was 8 or something. The barking dog one as well as the Fleas on my Dog, sung to the tune of Feliz Navidad song. All awful!
What? No one's mentioned that horrific "Christmas Shoes" song???? UGHHHHHH!!!!! Makes me want to take icepicks to my eardrums.
I agree. worst. song. ever. I change the channel as soon as it starts.
Thank you!!! Me too!!! WHY would anyone make a "Christmas Song" like that???? There's nothing happy about it, it's just plain depressing!!! The station gets changed as soon as it starts!!
Totally with you on that....it's the most God-awful Christmas song, it makes me want to hit myself over the head. It is absolutely #1 on my worst song list.
I agree. It's terrible:
Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight
I saw mama kissing santa clause or whatever the heck that song is...TERRIBLE!!
CG.....thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for mentioning "Christmas Shoes"! It is the MOST depressing Christmas song in the universe.....I immediately turn the station when it's on.
I'm an RN and "Christmas Shoes" makes me very angry that anyone would capitalize on anything so cheesy about such a horrible tragedy.It also infuriates me that anyone thinks singing about a young mother dying on Christmas Eve is entertainment.That stuff really happens for chrissake! If people think it is so entertaining at least let them volunteer to come into one of their local hospitals' cancer units,ICU's,or trauma centers and sit with the children when a real young mother departs this life on Christmas Eve. Then they can see how "entertaining" that situation really is.
I like the interpretations that have sprung up around Christmas Shoes: The most popular being that the kid is just pulling a con job.
Too many horrible ones to just pick one, but I am in agreement with many of the others:
Oh now wait a minute....let's not pick on poor Dominick eh?
I sense you're not an animal lover? ;-)
But heck yeah on Pretty Papers! Right up there with the Carpenters' song I posted further back.
All these are horrible, especially Dominick the Donkey and I Want a Hippotpatumus for Christmas. I'd add one more - Marshmallow World. Who over the age of 2 would want to sing these stupid lyrics?
It's a yum-yummy world made for sweethearts
Take a walk with your favorite girl
It's a sugar date, what if spring is late
In winter it's a marshmallow world.
I feel out of touch because the only songs on your list I know are the Chipmunks and Grandma vs the Reindeer. Crap! Now I'm going to have to go google these other songs because I have the curiosity of a cat! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Solstice.. whatever your poisen!
Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. There isn't a redeemable version of that song by anybody. Not the original, not any remake.
At least with most of the songs on this list I can think of remakes that trump these versions.
Not so with Grandma...
'Grandma Got Indefinitely Detained By The TSA' is a good parody of it I have to admit.
Christmas Shoes. I can't stand that song!
Christmas Shoes is by far the worst Christmas song ever.
Honorable mention: I also loathe the new Justin Bieber Little Drummer Boy remix with Busta Rhymes.
Any and ALL of the Justin Beiber versions! The one that he/she did with Mariah Carey is just as awful!
That one really bites....give me old style Xmas songs every time
I HATE Feliz Navidad.. It would be great if i NEVER heard that song again!
Agreed! It's the most insidious song EVER! Yuck!
No question: Grandma Got Run Over... I can't even finish typing it. It was kitschy and cute for 5 minutes in the early 80's. Now it's an anthem for stupid.
good list girl golfer! also: feliz navidad sung by anyone, and all the modern versions of old classics
It's a shame, there are far too many to name.
Madonna's "Santa Baby" is horrible and an insult to the late Eartha Kitt. Songs I always turn off: "Last Christmas" by Wham (oh my God how could anyone listen to that drivel?!?!?!?!), "So This is Christmas" by John and Yoko (she sounds like a dying cat), "Christmas Shoes" (the most manipulating and sappy song ever) and anything by Neil Diamond, Barbra Streisand, Gloria Estafan, Johnny Mathis, Amy Grant, Bruce Springsteen, and especially Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey. They over-sing their songs so much, with the added trills and vibratos, it is torture to listen to them. In my opinion, the best Christmas CD's ever are by Harry Connick Jr. They are the first ones listened to the day after Thanksgiving in our house. Also love Josh Groban's and Michael Buble's new CD.
LifeguardMom....I pretty much agree with you! I do like Springsteen's version of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" though.
That one song that Amy Grant does--forget the title, the lyrics "it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you"--it's like nails on a chalkboard, especially when she puts that "yoo hoo!" into it.
All the songs being mentioned in this discussion thread are so right on as the worst. I, too, am an RN - a hospice RN to boot, and Christmas Shoes, while trying to paint a picture of a heart that was changed that night, makes me absolutely cringe. Josh Groban, Michael Buble'.......even Barry Manilow on some of his CD's.......bring back class to music that I don't hear much anymore. I love Josh's new version of Little Drummer Boy..............................
One other "can't believe it was ever recorded".........I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas...........
#1 - Feliz Navidad
#2 - Dominic the Donkey
#3 - Christmas Shoes